Thoughts

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robert took this image of me some time ago.

Anyhow, is there something you guys want me to write about? What kind of photos would you like to see? Would be awesome if you could write a comment about it. I want this blog to be interesting for you guys! 🙂

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I know some of you think that I probably think I am so good-looking because I take a lot of self-portrait. Ha, I don’t!
When I am having  a self-portrait shoot, I don’t really think of it as one. When I put on all the make up and clothes, wigs or hats I feel like another person, I become one of my characters.
Photos with me in the white wig, feels just like I am portraying a character, not myself. So I kind of use myself as a blank paper, where I just paint with different accessories and make up, to make it to a character I’d like to portray. I like to create stories and dreams.

Some portraits like my IDs and other ones you clearly see that is me, how I look everyday, these ones I see as self-portraits.

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I guess every artist has felt that their work isn’t good enough. It’s sad we think this way, but I believe it’s a thing that make us fight even harder for our work.

Whenever you feel this way, look at your oldest work and compare it to your newest. Then ask yourself what you have learnt on your journey this far. Just by looking at older work makes me happy that I have come this far as I have. Sure, I do think ‘what the hell was I doing’ quite often, but it just makes me realise I have developed and have sharper eyes for things. By that I mean that I can critic my own work in a way that isn’t degrading, but constructive. I often question myself what I could have done better and what I would have made different if I could re-take the photo today.

Yes, you’re always your worst critic, no one can bring you down like yourself. Unfortunately it’s true, but I also believe you can be your best critic. Seeing what you need to get better with and how you can develop in your own way. And I know a lot of you, even myself, compare my work with others and wondering why my work isn’t as good. We know it’s not worth thinking like that because we all have our own signature in art. But I believe it’s something we will grow from.

Just wanted to share this, because I do feel this way sometime and I believe it’s nice to know what could make it better.
If you have something you could share about what you do when you’re feeling this way, please share!

Some work from 2008

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Really been thinking of printing a book with my photography, if anyone is interested.
If I do, has anyone any suggestions or wishes on what photos they want in it? 🙂

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I never thought it would be this hard to answer some questions about myself and about my photography. I am answering some question for an interview and I am stuck.
Can’t write any good sentences and I realised why I started to photograph in the first place – to talk with my art instead of words. Because clearly I am no good at it. XD

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When do art become original ?

I’ve been questioning myself that for quite some time now. Why do most people believe that art is only good when it is ‘original’. Who decides which art is and what isn’t?

I am quite irritated on people telling me that my art isn’t original. What makes it better? Doing something new doesn’t mean it will turn out great. I can try do something original, something that no one else has done, and still it can turn out bad. Taking portraits with heavy make up or anything, well, there are quite a lot photos like that but why are they  so “average” when they all have different emotions or thoughts behind them?  Some are less good and some are better and it doesn’t really have anything to do with if they’re original or not.

Really, stop telling me and others what is original or not.
Nothing is original.
Everything is already done.
Deal with it.

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I am tired of people using my photos without permission. Tired of people that think they can do anything, manipulate, claim as their own, editing and posting my photography, without any name or link back, anywhere they want to. I upload my photography because I want to share my vision,  but I don’t want anyone stealing them.

It hurts when I find my photos on the net being edited or manipulated in a way I don’t want to. It truly takes away the joy of sharing my work.
I know that I can’t expect my photos to stay only at my sites, I know they circle around, but I can not understand why people think it’s okay to use them, without even asking me. It irritates me and makes me quite bitter. So please, if you find any of my work on other sites, write to me. I would really appreciate it!

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Being a member of several art communities sure bring all kinds of different comments. When I first started off at DeviantArt I was quite insecure and my photos were not very special. They were mediocre and looked like everyone else’s photos when they first pick up their new camera. I took photos on flowers, animals and self-portraits, nothing special. Back then I drew a lot, everyday if I had the chance. But it felt like I was missing something.  So I began experimenting with photographing Harriet,  who stands up for me in any weather, and found that something clicked when I could capture an emotion in a photograph. So I tried a lots of self-portraits, mainly to experiment in privacy. I have never liked experimenting in other’s presence, it gets me really nervous.

We had a lots of fun and people started to notice our work even if Harriet was new at modelling and I at photographing. I remember that first image of Harriet which got a 100 favourites in some days, my other works back then had about 10 or less. I was so excited and felt really happy about myself. I bought myself a new camera and began photographing other friends. I can’t say I was special at taking photos back then though, I liked playing around with my ideas, but that was all. Even though, people seemed to like it. When I got myself a tripod I began taking more self-portraits, including all different kinds of props. My favourites have always been my top hat. I used the fields in our neighbourhood quite a lot, didn’t really have any ideas, but somehow created a feeling people liked.  Soon I wanted to create photos that reminded of dreams and memories. Started to use long dresses, blood and other sceneries than before. Yes, I’ve always loved creating something from a fairytale, because life sometimes is dark and I wanted to spread some light into the darkness, with my photographies. But at the same time show this darkness that prevails in our world. People had different views of the violence, I loved portraying it. Not because I have ever been a person caught in fights or anything, but to create something that makes people think twice. I felt quite good with my work, even if they weren’t perfect.

Back then I was still caught in my own bubble though. I kept going on the same road, taking photos that were quite safe for myself, but still kept me develop. I began to see things in different ways than I used to.  It was not until I began studying far away from everything I have learnt to know that opened my eyes. I wanted to try new things, keep myself experimenting even though I knew I could fail miserably. At first I took a lot of self-portraits (uh),  but it felt like I was going backwards again. So I pushed myself and began photographing my classmates in school, still in that safe bubble, but slightly trying to break it.

The beginning of 2010 was a great way to begin a new year. I took a lot of photos which I was very happy with. They were a mix of the old me and the new me. I had learnt a lot from these past months I had been to school and it gave me some boost to try experimenting even more.  Getting together with my lovely boyfriend and having him by my side made me also feel good about myself. I lost a little piece of myself on the way, and he helped me getting it back again. Getting me to explore new ways of using lights, setting my own and working with existing lights. I also tried to capture men on film, which I still like very much. It took me away from all this “prettiness” and gave it some edge. With help and encouragement from my boyfriend I finally starts to truly enjoy setting my own lights, though I need a lot more practice.

For some weeks ago, I had no inspiration at all. Nothing. I began retouching older works which I had taken before and after I began my education. I wasn’t yet inspired and had quite a rough first week back home because I was ill and I missed Robert. I wanted to turn things back to normal again, I really needed to take some photos which would get me back on track. I had a shoot with Dino and I explored a new side of photography I started to love. Still they had a piece of my old style in them.

A lot of people has been with me on this road, friends, family and people especially on DeviantArt. Some loved my new style, others hated it.  But I have learnt that I don’t photograph to please others, I want to please my own needs. I need to take photos for my own sake.

Sometimes it feels that people don’t realise that I need to try new things also. I don’t like being stuck in the same category where I can’t developin using other techniques or dealing with new situations. I have my old style kept inside my new one. I have not forgotten where I began and how I got to be where I am today.

Nothing stays the same forever, it’s time to accept this.

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I am so damn tired of all these webcam shots of half naked people on deviantart, or other sites where you should submit your art. Why do they even upload them there?
I can’t understand it and it keeps making me bitter every time I see one of those shots on the front page. They are not there because they are good, like the other photos there, but because it’s usually just some snapshots of half naked women, which others favourites just  because the models are naked.

People keep saying that they see ‘art’ in these shots, portraying the female beauty (or what ever they may say), and this I will say, every of those shots are rather taken in unflattering and weird perspectives, wide angled or yellowish colours which no woman or man will look good in. If breasts shows, or even just the hint of them, it doesn’t even matter if the person looks like a blob head, people will like it anyway – maybe not for the image itself, but for something going on only inside of their head.

Artistic nude (presupposed it is not portraying the model in a pornographic way) is definitely another thing and should not be compared with these shots. When artistic nude is portrayed in the artistic way it should be, then it’s a nice genre.

I am sure there are people thinking that I am so, so wrong about the ones I call snapshots, because “those photos are art too,  they’re photographs!”, but last time I checked my or other people’s holiday photos they sure weren’t art just because they were photographs.

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Been a while since I wrote something instead of just posting images.

Anyhow, a lot has happened and it feels really good. I feel more interested in trying different light set ups in the studio and working with male models. Never thought it was going to be so much fun as it is! Now I am so inspired and keep looking for inspirational images and lights all day long. But then again, I feel so unorganized it’s sick. Someday I will take care of it, now I just feel to editing images.

🙂